Holiday Break OUT

Living Affected Special

Happiness by Robin Wood

Originally Posted on November 14, 2012 by hivark

 

It took me almost two years to find a sense of peace and happiness after my diagnosis, but that’s OKAY. When you are told that you are positive it feels as if the world comes to a complete and utter halt, everything starts moving in slow motion. For me, everything went red-a blur of tests, information, fear, sadness, anger, and nights of uncontrollable crying. You know what though, that was and is OKAY! I went through the "positive grieving" backwards. I threw myself into work, I went full force into what I needed to do to be healthy, and then I was so angry and disgusted that I couldn't even look at myself in a reflection, let alone an actual mirror. My boyfriend that gave me HIV, I couldn't stand the sight of him either. I had told one person, my boss, and he was the only one that I didn't feel viewed me as disgusting when I was around.

Then it was sadness and fear, those days were black. I felt like I couldn't connect with anybody, my only haven was ARCare-they understood. I couldn't live there though, I couldn't camp out in Dr. Moore's front yard just because I felt alone and he understood me. I HAD to find a way to my peace and happiness on my own. I couldn't live in red and black forever. I had to make my "weird" my new normal. So I did. I started reading up more, started asking questions on who to get in touch with, support groups, etc.

I recently worked on a fundraiser for the Magic Johnson foundation, and when I started doing that I started to find my inner peace. I can work and still make a difference in the HIV community. That void, that hole is beginning to go away. It takes time, and again that is OKAY! The people I have chosen to disclose my status to are wonderful, especially my mom. I don't think I could have moved forward without my support system.

What I found that gives me the most happiness is that I am opening myself up to a whole new network of people-people like me. There is no better feeling that being around strong, intelligent, healthy people that are HIV-positive. It gives me hope. We should be proud to be positive, because together we can have a voice that can be heard throughout the world.

We are at a time where we will see changes being made, and we can be a part of those changes and help make them happen. I am a strong, intelligent, determined, HEALTHY, woman. Guess what? I happen to have HIV, and that makes me stronger, this is who I am. My weird became my normal and I embrace it. I am empowered by my status and that fills me with happiness and joy.

Robin Wood

(Editor's note: Ms. Wood currently has been serving as a point person within the Walgreens organization in the fight for HIV/AIDS. Through her efforts she has brought additional awareness and information to area employees as well as customers. Ms.Wood will be joining the LA Corp family in furthering her outreach into the community and beyond. This item is unedited and composed by Ms. Wood.)